I can tell you from experience that it does not feel ok to not be ok!
The statement itself may be controversial however if nothing else it sparks debate.
To me, it means it is ok to say you are not ok if you are not ok! I think it also means there is no shame, judgement, or guilt around it. It really is ok if you are not ok and talking about it is absolutely crucial.
Just last week I felt the symptoms of PTSD rear their ugly head and send me into a spin. Wondering whether I will ever completely overcome it.
Dark thoughts
In the depths of despair several years ago, I sat on the edge of a train platform considering the pros and cons of staying alive, I am solution focused and so I like to solve my problems in a practical way, or at least I did. I have had to switch my mindset and consider that sometimes things take time. Feelings pass, nothing stays the same and there is always a reason to wait for that.
A friend of mine recently said they still felt guilty for having post-natal depression, something I suffered with after having all three of my children. PND like many other mental illnesses seem to go hand in hand with guilt. That feeling that you just are not enough, you are not strong enough to overcome the illness, you feel worthless and useless despite the world around you often being quite unaware of what is going through your mind.
Another thing is judgment, the fear of being judged. Judgement will stop you from saying things out loud, it may also stop you from getting the help you need. If we remove the fear of judgment we can open up and realise that you are definitely not alone, and things definitely get better with time and support.
Challenges can be overcome
I think it is important to remember that sometimes you just will not be ok and that is normal. We do not go through life without challenges. We know that development comes from challenges. When we learn we feel stretched and that is good, right? As humans we are challenged from the day we are born, and those challenges can become more difficult to overcome as we get older as there is often added complexity.
When challenges push us into our panic zone, that does not feel ok. It feels difficult, we feel stressed and if we do not do anything about it we can get burnout, exhaustion and depression. It is ok to say that, to recognise that and to step backwards a bit, take a breath and reflect.
If things have not been ok for a while (how long this ‘while’ is depends on each individual), then bigger thoughts start to encroach. This week alone, four people have said they are not ok to me and I have thanked them for their honesty and willingness to talk more about what is happening for them right now.
I also know of two people who have recently died from suicide, nobody had any idea they were not ok. It is a huge step to talk about those feelings but one that if taken can make a significant difference towards overcoming them.
It’s okay to show vulnerability
Side note:
I have pondered greatly over posting this, because it gives more about me that is vulnerable and it shows people that in the past and sometimes now, I am not ok. I do hope that by posting this it offers hope to others and shows that I understand. That you are not alone. Please share how you are feeling with others around you. People do care and there is help.
Take away point:
It is not ok to not be ok, it really hurts. It is however necessary to say it out loud to other people, to recognise that it is ok to talk about it. It is ok to not really know what to say and that is ok too. Know that listening is ok. If someone tells you they are not ok, you could say thank you for sharing. You could ask ‘how long have you felt like this?’ ‘Have you seen your GP?’ ‘What is your plan?’’ Do you have a plan?’ ‘Who and where can you get help from?’
If you are struggling and want to talk:
• https://www.nhs.uk/oneyou/every-mind-matters/
If you would like further information about what I do call or email me:
laura@hampsoncoaching.com / 07977107919
